The big undead-off

Warning: I don't usually "work blue" on this blog, but this post has some adult content. It's pretty minor, but I didn't want to shock anyone.

In the 3 different RPGs I've played in the last 7 days, all of which were great fun, I have one particular scene that I'm proud of.

It was a Risus game, and I was playing a Vampire. The main villain was a Liche/ Necromancer. We had this big battle at the end, where I guess I shamefully stole the spotlight, but everyone got a kick out of it. We were out-undeading each other, not so much fighting as having an undead-off. (The other PCs were trailing behind and either fighting minions or just watching the show.)

Our actions back and forth involved all sorts of tropes from various films: gliding weightlessly, vamping menacingly, raising the dead, having our shadows wrestle while we just locked eyes, etc, all the while with massive velvet cloaks unfurling behind us and blowing in the wind. Since it was Risus,we didn't have to make real attacks. "Damage" isn't neccesarily flesh and blood, it can be anything demoralizing or penalizing.

It came 'round to my action in the back-and-forth, and I realized this could be the killing blow. So I pulled out all the stops:

"For my final act of contempt, to show how vastly superior my undead mojo is to his, I turn my back on him dismissively. On cue, my three vampiric brides, previously unmentioned, slink forth from shadows that concealed them and proceed to fellate me. Take that!"

I got applause not only from my table, but also from the NaNoWriMo group that was sharing the cafe with us.

Unfortunately, I completely blew my roll - nothing but a handfull of "1's" on the dice. The GM laughed and said:

"What you described happens, but your taste in women leaves much to be desired. Three pathetic, scraggly-haired, disease-ridden, ugly hobgoblin vampires attend you and your member."

That was probably the best laugh of the year, even better than "Can I roll to make Sarah Palin rub my belly?"